1、一个人恍然大悟叫发现，一群人恍然大悟叫受骗。 A person's sudden realization is called discovery, and a group of people's sudden realization is called being deceived.
2、上帝是公平的，给了你丑的外表，还会给你低的智商，以免你显得不协调。 God is fair. He gives you an ugly appearance and a low IQ so that you don't look out of tune.
3、不想喝的酒先干为敬，不想见的人笑脸相迎。 Do not want to drink wine for the first respect, do not want to see people smile.
4、不要在我的世界里玩火，否则你付不起这后果。 Don't play with fire in my world, or you can't afford it.
5、不要相信一个吃货说她要减肥，她说这话的时候，一定是她刚吃饱的时候。 Don't believe that a foodie says she wants to lose weight. When she says that, it must be when she is just full.
6、世界上没有无缘无故的爱，也没有无缘无故的恨，却偏偏有无缘无故的胖！ In the world, there is no unprovoked love, no unprovoked hate, but there is no unprovoked fat!
7、中分看鼻子，齐刘海看脸型，斜刘海看气质，无刘海看五官，我适合蒙面。 The middle part looks at the nose, the Qi Liu Hai looks at the face shape, the oblique Liu Hai looks at the temperament, the non Liu Hai looks at the facial features, I am suitable for masquerading.
8、为什么我的手机开启了飞行模式，从楼上扔下去还是摔坏了啊？ Why does my mobile phone turn on the flight mode, throw it from upstairs or break it?
9、人生如戏，与日俱增的，除了年龄，还有演技。 Life is like a play, growing day by day, in addition to age, there are acting.
10、人生最大杯具：美人迟暮，英雄谢顶。 The biggest cup of life: the beauty is late and the hero is dead.
11、人的想法是会变的：以前我也是想致富的，现在只想脱贫。 People's ideas will change: I used to want to be rich, but now I just want to get out of poverty.
12、人还是要多出去走走，不然根本不知道躺在家里玩手机有多舒服。 People still need to go out more, or they don't know how comfortable it is to lie at home and play with mobile phones.
13、你一定要好好读书，不要像我一样天天靠脸混日子。 You must study hard. Don't live by your face like me.
14、你若对自己的健康，一毛不拔，医院就会帮你拔得，一毛不剩！ If you are healthy to yourself, the hospital will help you to get rid of nothing!
15、你要给我点颜色看看，我就让你知道花儿为什么这样红。 If you want to show me some color, I will let you know why the flowers are so red.
16、再丑也要谈恋爱，谈到世界充满爱。 No matter how ugly you are, you need to fall in love. When it comes to the world full of love.
17、减肥这种事从来不会船到桥头自然直，你这体重，没到桥头船就沉了。 This kind of thing will never go straight from bridge to bridge. Your weight will sink before bridge.
18、凡是过去，皆为序由。 The past is the order.
19、别人都说我很瘦，我只是胖的不明显。 People say I'm thin, I'm just fat.
20、前面一只虫飞到我的数学题旁边，看了几眼题目死了。 A bug in front of me flew to my math problem and saw the problem dead.
21、单身久了，连煮饺子看见两个粘在一起，我都要用铲子把它们分开。 I've been single for a long time. When I see two dumplings sticking together, I have to use a shovel to separate them.
22、即使失败99次，我也要继续下去，最起码凑个整，免得强迫症又犯了！ Even if I fail 99 times, I will continue, at least to make a whole, so as not to make another obsessive-compulsive disorder!
23、去年我希望今年有个男朋友，很遗憾的说到明年应该也不会有。 Last year, I hope to have a boyfriend this year. I'm sorry to say that there should be no boyfriend next year.
24、只有在火车站大排长龙时，才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。 Only when there are long lines of dragons in the railway station can we really realize that we are the descendants of the dragon.
25、在女孩子花一样的年纪里，你长成了一棵多肉植物。 At the same age as girls, you grow into a succulent plant.
26、在街上看美女，目光高一点就是欣赏，目光低一点就是流氓。 Looking at beauties in the street, the higher one is appreciation, and the lower one is rogue.
27、女人，是水做的；老娘我是混凝土做的。 Woman, it's made of water; I'm made of concrete.
28、女生之间就不要耍心机了，反正几十年后都要一起去跳广场舞的。 Girls don't want to play tricks on each other. They will go dancing together in the square in decades.
29、如果我死了，我的第一句话是：终于不用怕鬼了。 If I die, my first sentence is: don't be afraid of ghosts at last.
30、如果贫穷限制了你的想象力，为什么你还能想出那么多省钱的办法？ If poverty limits your imagination, why can you think of so many ways to save money?
31、姐也是站在人渣肩膀上成长起来的好姑娘。 Elder sister is also a good girl growing up on the shoulder of scum.
32、孔子不能解决的问题，老子帮你解决。 I will help you solve the problems that Confucius can't solve.
33、干啥啥不行，吃饭第一名。 No matter what you do, first place in the meal.
34、年轻不嗨，老年痴呆。老年痴呆越呆越嗨。 Young is not Hi, Alzheimer's. The more you stay in Alzheimer's, the higher you are.
35、我从不奉承谁，嘴巴也不够甜，但你要令我失望，我就有资本让你绝望。 I never flatter anyone, and my mouth is not sweet enough, but if you want to disappoint me, I have the capital to make you despair.
36、我哪是什么朴实，节俭，会过日子的人，我只是单纯的穷而已。 What kind of simple, thrifty person am I? I'm just poor.
37、我抽烟的理由很简单：我爷爷抽烟，我爸爸也抽烟，轮到我不能断了香火。 The reason why I smoke is very simple: my grandfather smokes, my father also smokes, it's my turn not to cut off the incense.
38、我看见前方黑暗的尽头，有光在等着我。 I saw the end of the darkness ahead, and there was light waiting for me.
39、我要说你是个二*，那都是在表扬你。 I want to say that you are a fool, that is to praise you.
40、早上在床上看时间都不是为了起床，而是看还能再睡多久。 In the morning, watching time in bed is not to get up, but to see how much longer you can sleep.
41、早起的鸟儿有早饭吃，晚起的鸟儿有晚饭吃。 The early bird has breakfast, the late bird has supper.
42、时差就是，夏天已经到了，可身材还停在冬天。 Time difference is that summer has arrived, but the body still stops in winter.
43、昨晚我拿你的承诺去喂狗，第二天早上发现狗死了。 Last night I took your promise to feed the dog. The next morning I found the dog dead.
44、有钱人的快乐，我想象不到，也许是因为当局者迷，旁观者清吧！ I can't imagine the happiness of the rich. Maybe it's because the spectators can see clearly!
45、本想对男神来个回眸一笑，可未曾料到天太冷，笑出了一个鼻涕泡儿。 I wanted to look back and smile at the God of man, but I didn't expect it to be too cold, and I laughed out a snot bubble.
46、查完支付宝中的余额，我这颗悬着的心终于不跳了。 After checking the balance in Alipay, my hanging heart finally did not jump.
47、每当我找到成功的钥匙，就有人偷偷把锁给换了。 Whenever I find the key to success, someone stealthily changes the lock.
48、每次聚会结束回到家里都会有深深的失落感，又没吃饱！ Every time I come home after the party, I feel deeply lost and not full!
49、没心没肺，能活百岁，问心无愧，做人不累。 Heartless, can live a hundred years old, have a clear conscience, do not tired.
50、没有人不会累，只是每个人宣泄的方式不同，比如我：懒得说。 No one is not tired, but everyone has different ways of venting, such as me: lazy to say.
51、激动的心，颤抖的手，谁是谁的小舔狗！ Excited heart, shaking hands, who is the little licking dog!
52、现在出门都用手机支付，带钱感觉好丢人，都不好意思拿出手！ Now I pay with my mobile phone when I go out. It's embarrassing to take money with me. I'm sorry to take it!
53、琴棋书画不会，洗衣做饭嫌累。 I can't do music, chess, calligraphy and painting. I'm tired of washing and cooking.
54、真爱就像鬼，听说的人多，遇见的人少。 True love is like ghosts. There are many people who hear about it and few people who meet it.
55、终于知道吃奥利奥为什么要先“舔一舔”了，因为那样就没人抢了啊。 Finally, I know why I need to "lick" Oreo first, because no one will take it.
56、网上自古无娇娘，残花败柳一行行，偶有几对鸳鸯鸟，也是野鸡配色狼。 Since ancient times, there have been no beauties on the Internet. There are only a few pairs of mandarin ducks and birds. They are also pheasants and coyotes.
57、聊着聊着就不回了，坟头信号不好吗？ I will not return after chatting. Is the grave signal bad?
58、背叛，也许是偶然的，但不允许发现第二次。 Betrayal may be accidental, but it is not allowed to find a second time.
59、脚好冷，想借哪吒的风火轮踩几天。 My feet are cold. I want to step on Nezha's wind fire wheel for a few days.
60、腾不出时间谈恋爱的人，迟早会腾得出时间来相亲。 Those who can't spare time to fall in love will, sooner or later, spare time to meet each other.
61、药不医假病，酒不解真愁。 Medicine doesn't cure fake disease, wine doesn't understand true worry.
62、那些拧不开瓶盖的女生其实都是装的，你让她拆个快递试试，都不用剪子。 Those girls who can't open the bottle cap are actually loaded. You ask her to open a courier to try, without scissors.
63、钱不是问题，问题是没钱。 Money is not a problem. The problem is no money.